The New Dating Adventure .. Online ..

Recently, I thought it might be fun to check out a dating website. I've never done so before nor had I ever had any inclination to start. Maybe out of sheer boredom it seemed like a good idea. It has been 4 days - and while I find there could be potential MAYBE to this process, even more so, I find it humorous and appalling at the same time at the thought of some of these people being confused as to why they are single.

First, a few "Don'ts" --

1. Do not put photos of yourself and other girls (Or for girls, other guys) on your profile. Who is the girl you are with? Your girlfriend? Wife? Sister? Are you trying to look like a player? I don't care your reasoning for it - even if you look good in the picture. Don't do it. Crop the other person out. It makes little sense why you are trying to GET DATES if you already have one.

2. Don't start messages with subjects like "Important..." and in the body of the message just say "Hi."

3. If you message someone you are interested, try to come up with something beyond "YO! WHAT'S UP?" I get it. Writing to someone you've never met based on a brief profile is scary - but put a little effort into it. Ask a simple question based on their profile. There must be some reason in the profile you thought to contact them. Go with it!

4. If you are going to send an initial message by telling someone that something they do or believe in or enjoy is "bad" for them or something negative you don't approve of - why are you messaging them in the first place? Either you are a douche bag who thinks you are better than that person and you can change them in some way, or you enjoy being a douche bag. They are both equally as bad. Find someone you're actually interested in or find a new hobby.

5. God invented spell check and the English language for a reason. USE IT. Spelling words like "Sekkkkkkksy" is not "SEXY." "U" is spelled "YOU" - does it take so much effort to add those additional two letters? Capitalizing sentences and using punctuation make all the difference in a message. I may be picky, but when I say I'm looking for "intelligence," I'm not referring to your education level, I'm referring to your ability to communicate, carry on interesting conversations, and use punctuation in appropriate levels.

6. If you are on a dating website for the intent of meeting people, why would you write something like "I'm sure my musical taste is more interesting than yours and my pets are better than yours anyway" in your profile? Are you a funny-guy or really think so highly of yourself and are making it ultra-clear for the girls out there?

I'm not perfect by any stretch. I admit to my high standards. What I am saying is, in some scenarios, it is not hard to answer the question "why am I single?" That is all.

And this blog is for my amusement and maybe yours. I am going to post some of the great messages I receive or others receive on such websites - names will be excluded. But it is too amusing to pass up.

Here are a few to get started:

"hiiiiiiiiii...vic"

Subject: Padleford fay "this is an interesting case that states the american people are not

party to the constitution,in which most americans believe they are." (Here, I applaud the reading of my profile, understanding I'm a law student, and attempting to converse about something related .. but wtf are you talking about? And I know I suggested just saying "hi" is not the best thing, but start with a "hi" or an intro .. )

Subject: hey From: The Apostle "i wish i could see through the beermug, but you prolly get that from every man that goes on your profile COUNSELOR, lol........... " (I know, I said I would leave off "names" but really? The Apostle? They say on job resumes you should always have an email address to use that is not like 'igetwastedontheweekends@yahoo.com' - I think screen names on these sites should follow a similar thought process ... I mean, by all means, be more creative than you would a job application, but don't let your name reflect the high prestige you give yourself)

"hello how r u tonight ?"

"How many of those can u drink? Lol" (It's a fair question - there is a beer in my photo that I am drinking)

Subject: Awesome picture .... "you are my kind of girl. Have a great day." (This makes me question which part makes me 'his kind of girl' - that I'm drinking a beer? Or something he read in my profile? If we based a relationship solely on my ability to drink a beer, that would certainly be everlasting love....)

"hello how are you tonight??? just wanted to say hi" ("Hi back?" It's a great convo starter ... but are all the Shift keys on all the keyboards in the world broken?)